Why Your Kids Leave the Church

We have an epidemic of children leaving the Church as soon as they are 18, despite coming from seemingly normal, happy, Christian homes. Why is this the case?

Go to any Church, any. Go to the people who are the absolute most involved. Go find the members of the Women’s Guild, or the sacristans, or the secretary. Go find the bible studies and the people who seem to always be at Church. There you will find parents of children who no longer go to Church.  We’ve all heard of the Catholic Grandmother who mourns daily for the children and grandchildren who have fallen away from the Church. The grandmother who has ten different altars in her home, she prays rosaries and Divine Mercy Chaplets and Novenas galore. Now, please note that there is absolutely nothing wrong with prayer and sacred places within your home. But, do the children understand why? Did she talk to them? Did she teach them about the gift the Lord has given us in the Holy Roman Catholic Church? Do they know, do they understand? Do they get it?

No. And that is why they leave.

Fortunately, some of them come back. Right off the top of my head I can think of five different people who I personally know who left the Church when they left home, a few came back, a few didn’t.  However, all of the people who returned did so because at some point they were convicted to investigate for themselves why their families believe what they believe, and they did this despite receiving zero answers from their families.

I am all for investigating what you believe, I am all for checking the science and the philosophy and the morality to ensure that you are following the true path instead of just being blindly lead. What I am not for is children being blindly raised in an institution where the parents don’t understand what they are teaching their children.

If you are Roman Catholic, whether you are a parent or a child, answer the following questions for me.

  1. What is the Eucharist?
  2. How do we know the Eucharist is what it is? (Specifically, what verses in the Bible tell us so?)
  3. Who is Jesus Christ, and what type of relationship should we have with him? What specific Church councils clarified who he is amidst much controversy?
  4. Why are the books that are in the Bible in the Bible? At what council were these books chosen? By whom? By what authority?
  5. What does the Church believe about how the Universe was created?
  6. What are the Church’s teachings on Human Sexuality? On marriage? Why do they teach these things?
  7. Why do we have a Pope? What verses in the Bible establish the papacy as a succeeding office? What gives him Authority over the Church?
  8. Why do we go to confession? Specifically, what verses in the Bible establish the sacrament of confession?
  9. Why are the teachings of the Church Absolute Truth? Why is doctrine unchanging? What specific verses of the Bible establish them as such?
  10.  Why do we revere Mary, Jesus’ mother, as the Mother of God? What specific verses in the Bible establish her as such? What Church teachings? At what Council was this determined?
  11.  Why do we regard the Bible as accurate and reliable?

I’ll stop there. If you don’t know the answers to most of these questions, or at least where to find the answers, you are blindly following a faith that you do not understand. If you are a parent, you are doing your children a huge disservice.

Please, I beg you. Go, tonight, tomorrow, this week. Research the answers to these questions. It should only take you an hour. Google them, Go to Catholic Answers, buy a copy of the Catechism, open a Bible.  Figure it out. Then, once you do, call a family meeting. Get your kids off the computer, turn off the TV, ask your spouse to support you in this. Then, share what you learned with them. Sit around the kitchen table and talk about what you believe and why you believe it. Show them that you are a leader they can follow, someone whose word they can believe in. Answer their questions. Tell them if you don’t know an answer, encourage them to research their questions, even research it with them.

Please, do this. Help us to stop the epidemic of people leaving a Church they do not understand, at risk of their salvation. Raise up a generation of people faithful to and able to defend the Holy Roman Catholic Church. We need you.

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Game of Thrones Is Porn

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“It made me feel crappy and disgusted.”

“I am so disappointed in you, how can you teach our son to be a Godly man if you are filling your head with that filth?”

“I feel like he is cheating on me.”

The quotes above are real reactions from women upon finding out that their significant other watched the wildly popular television show, Game of Thrones.

Wait a minute, Game of Thrones? Isn’t that the TV show everyone is talking about? I thought this article was supposed to be about pornography…

Yes, we are talking about pornography- and that is why I am writing on Game of Thrones, the two words are interchangeable, really.

I’m willing to bet that quite a few people just stopped reading this.  Some of you that are still with me are probably just reading so that you can leave a really scathing comment below about how as Christians we can’t bury our heads in the sand. Come on, I am obviously ignorant about the plot of the show, why am I being such a prude? What about all of that be “in the world and not of it” stuff? Christians need to be relevant; we need to meet people where they are. We need to be in the real world.

Right, because in the real world you walk in on two girls eating each other out in full nudity in a (your?) palace with sexual moans that can be heard from upstairs every day.  Give me a break.

Don’t start with me about my obvious ignorance of the storyline and how relevant the sex is to the plot. I know good literature. I’m an author. I’ve seen a few episodes. I’ve read the reviews. I’ve read the synopsis. I’ve read all the “Game of Thrones goes above and beyond any other work in its genre.” It is comparable to Tolkien in its prose yet bitterly realistic in its portrayal of the hardship of life. In the Game of Thrones, there are no impeccable heroes, no saviors, and there are absolutely no morals.  What they do have is great story telling, coupled with a raunchy sex scene every 3 minutes, on average.

Just like real life, right?

Wrong.

And the fact that there are so few Christian articles addressing this is astounding to me.  What it shows is how easily the devil can fool us.

Has it not become obvious to the rest of the world that sin is ALWAYS, AL- WAYS wrapped up in something that looks good? Seems harmless? Has some “redeeming” qualities?

Sin always seems, “not that bad…”

What I am saying is, excellent story telling is not an excuse.

Being a Christian and watching Game of Thrones is a sin.

There, I said it.

Real life, the real world, the world that you and I are living in, the world where in New York City more Black babies are killed by abortion than are born alive, the world in which Pope Francis has won the hearts of all by his reflection of Christ, the world in which slavery is at an all time high and sex slavery is a booming industry, the world where I can use the internet as a means to ruin someone’s life and where I can save it by the same tool, this world is a world that is struggling, to be sure, but this world is also full of hope.

Hope that we can have more good than evil. Hope that maybe one day people will figure out that sex makes babies so that when they do have sex they will be open to life and can then bear and love and raise the child instead of killing it because it is embarrassing or inconvenient. Hope that maybe one day the number one killer of women will not be men, and that the highest number of women killed by men will not be the ones who are pregnant. Hope that boys and girls who runaway because they have no hope can find or return to a loving home, instead of being swept into a repulsive form of slavery that is being fed by the very thing, the very culprit that many Christians, many Americans are choosing to ignore.

Pornography.

Creating that world starts with us as Christians closing our hearts to anything that may even slightly open the door to sin, sin in our hearts, sin in our minds, sin in our homes.

“If you want to stop people from becoming like me, don’t burn Catcher In The Rye, burn Hustler.”- Ted Bundy

Now, you tell me, does Game of Thrones add to the culture of life, this world we hope for, or does it do the exact opposite?

I think we all know the answer to this question.

Sin is an offense against reason, truth, and right conscience; it is failure in genuine love for God and neighbor caused by a perverse attachment to certain goods. It wounds the nature of man and injures human solidarity. It has been defined as “an utterance, a deed, or a desire contrary to the eternal law.”(CCC 1849)

Basically, if it ain’t leading you to God, it is leading you away from him.

We as Christians need to stop and acknowledge the fact that porn is not just graphic material that is distinctively labeled “Pornography”, it is everywhere. The film industry is competing with the porn industry for audiences, and we need to step up and say that they don’t have to.

Put your actions behind your creed, friends.

Why Does Cosmopolitan Magazine Exist?

Go to any magazine rack, anywhere in America. Look at the women’s section.  What you will probably see are racks and racks of smiling, beautiful and fashionable faces underneath captions like, “How to Please Your Man, 100 Men Tell All!” or “Fifty Hairstyles That Will Turn Heads this Winter” or “Oprah, The First Woman President?”.  Then, to a stark contrast, I would like you to turn to the “Men’s Section” (in quotations because its not technically called that- but you know its geared towards men).  Yea sure, you will see maybe a dozen adult magazines, a few sports magazines, a whole lot of fitness magazines and some car magazines- but do you know what else you will see? Magazines discussing foreign affairs, business, science. Scientific American, National Geographic, Psychology Today, Entrepreneur Magazine… When was the last time you saw one of those magazines outline in pink with a bright orange background and bright yellow words trying to tell us all about the benefits to staring an online company? You won’t see one; they aren’t geared towards women, because women usually aren’t the ones who buy these types of magazines.

The Economist? 64% of their readerships are men. The Atlantic? 61%. Newsweek? 56% male to female ratio. An exception would be The New Yorker, who boasts a 51% female to male readership. The reason? Its content is substantially higher in the “Culture/ Lifestyle” section, and substantially lower in National Affairs, the Economy, and International Affairs sections.

I find this disappointing. Please note, this is absolutely not meant to be a bash on women or our reading habits. Absolutely not. It could definitely be said that these magazines do themselves a disservice by not targeting women. In terms of color scheme and language, why does The Atlantic look more like GQ than Women’s Health?  

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However, what I am attempting to do here is questioning why Cosmopolitan exists. How does that magazine, and others like it, help us earn the position we deserve in society? (While we are asking questions, how does it even entertain women?) It is not the same to earn something rather than simply demand it of a world that is desperately trying to be politically correct. That’s all.  I’m not saying that your average twenty something year old guy is reading up on foreign affairs in his spare time either (These magazines also boast an older readership, on both sides of the gender equation). I’m saying that being knowledgeable on topics other than the newest seduction techniques or the latest gossips within your sorority is imperative to being taken seriously in today’s’ world. And I am finding it harder and harder to have these conversations with people other than my older male colleagues.

So ladies, do your brains a favor, please stop reading Cosmo and start reading a magazine that does not reiterate the same topic in bold new colors each month. For the love of feminism.

Men Should Have a Say in Abortion and the Religious Freedom Debate

Link: http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/03/25/a-brilliant-and-innovative-solution-for-women-who-want-birth-control/comment-page-4/#comment-151317

After reading this eloquent article and others by the same author, I was shocked to see how many people immediately discount Matt Walsh’s opinion on birth control and abortion simply because he is a man. (Never mind that this court case: [Hobby Lobby] is very relevant to Matt, being that he is self- employed)

I find it comical that Pro Abortionists cry wolf every time a man tries to assert a pro-life position, or a position that supports religious freedoms for companies who don’t want to subsidize substances that violate their religious beliefs. Ignoramuses shout, “You are a MAN! You can’t have children! Stay out of my vagina!”

How can we push men out of the abortion argument and then simultaneously have a conniption when a man doesn’t want to take responsibility for a child he fathered? Where is the logic here? It’s YOUR vagina! It’s YOUR body! Birth control is YOUR responsibility! YOU take care of the kid and don’t come complaining about child support either.

Here is a truth that some might not want to admit. Once you choose to join your body to another through sexual intercourse you are making your body available to offer itself up for another. Sex makes babies. For those of you whose intelligence is now insulted, I am so sorry. I can’t believe I had to say that either. I can’t believe I have to say that when you participate in sexual intercourse you have now placed yourself in a vulnerable position- but these are the same people who say that a baby is only a baby if it is wanted, so we really can’t expect much in terms of reasoning.

In doing so, you give your body to someone else. If a pregnancy results from that union, then that baby belongs to both of you, meaning that man should have a say in what happens to it. In the same way, he has a RESPONSIBILITY to take care of your child. Because it’s his. Even when it is inside your body, it’s also his baby. Because he fathered it. Therefore decisions about your body, concerning this baby, are also his to make. Because its his baby. Okay. Glad we had that talk.

Therefore, the pro abortion argument that men cannot have a say in what happens to their children (meaning whether or not it should live or die) is completely useless unless we want to relinquish men from their responsibility over the children they have fathered. There is no other option. It is like saying that young people today cannot have an opinion on the Holocaust because they have never nor will never experience it. It is absurd. When something is wrong, it’s wrong. And anyone who knows its wrong and wants to speak against it is entitled to do so, including those who are concerned about unborn children, women’s health, religious freedom, or massive genocide, even if they themselves have no direct correlation to the subject (hint: because men cannot live without ever coming into contact with a woman, every guy has a direct correlation to this subject).

As a member of humanity, we are all interconnected. It is amazing to me that many who advocate for “tolerance”; “unity” and “equal rights” are the same people who so vigorously work to divide men from women and children from their parents. The contradiction among this school of thought is obvious, yet so many buy into this illogical way of thinking. It is shocking.

Men, please continue to advocate for the health and safety of women. Please continue to fight for our children. And please, continue to be presences in the lives of those whom you have co-created, who are the most vulnerable. We need you.

 

Signed,

A Woman.

 

P.S. I have no intention with this blog of removing or degrading a woman’s autonomy.  I am simply saying that when the decision is made to engage in the act of procreation, it should be made with the understanding that a possible result may be a child, who will temporarily have access to our bodies and our resources.

5 Ways Woman Are Beautiful

*Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a bash on men, or a desire to maintain women in traditional roles. This blog is simply a celebration of unique qualities most females have that make us uniquely beautiful, captivating, and successful. Please add to the list in the comments section!

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  1. A Relationship with Christ: It goes without saying, without Christ’s light we are all just HAGs! (Check out the amazing Help A Girlfriend ministry here!)  A woman who loves God has the Holy Spirit inside of them have the gifts that compose the ultimate symphony of beauty: wisdom, understanding, counsel, knowledge, fortitude, piety, and fear of the Lord.
  2. A Positive Outlook on Life: I once heard Kimberley Hahn say that the reason why men go to war and women stay home is because women can hold onto any shred of hope like nobody’s business.  There’s a reason why they had to make a whole movie on how women need to learn to move on…. BUT though the world may laugh at us, I think this is a beautiful attribute and we should not give this up! Don’t become cynical just because it’s cool, cynicism does not bring the light of Christ to others. Remember, keeping your heart open requires more strength than it takes to close it.
  3.   The Desire to Help and Love Others: Once, after I went through a bad breakup, my wonderful dear friend who was staying with my family at the time came into my room, watched me break down and cry, and held me until I fell asleep. The next day I found flowers and chocolate in the kitchen.  I am so glad that I had her there. It is no secret that women are the nurturing gender. We take care of those around us, not only physically but emotionally as well.  This is not to say that men can’t be nurturing and women can’t be protectors- it is just something that comes most naturally to most of us.  This is so beautiful!
  4. Aware: One of the amazing things about being a woman is our ability to multitask. We are able to do more things at once, correctly, and this is a beautiful asset to have.  This means we are aware of our surroundings, and we are able to effectively solve multiple problems at once-, which is why we are so intuitive. We can read many signals at the same time.  For example, we walk into our apartment. We greet our roommate sitting on the couch, watching tv. We see in their posture that they are relaxed, probably tired after a long day. However, we also immediately read cues in their voice (perhaps they are talking softer than usual), eyes (downcast), and face (tense) showing that something may be wrong. As we start casual conversation and put our things way we quickly sort through what has been going on in their lives lately, “I wonder if she had another one of those conversations with her mother, is everything okay between her and her boyfriend? I know she went to the gym today, did she maybe hurt herself? Suddenly, we remember that she had an evaluation at work- one that she knew would be tough. In about ten seconds or less, we can pickup emotional imbalance and usually pinpoint the problem without even asking. It’s pretty awesome.
  5. Soft on the outside, strong on the inside: I once heard it said that men are strong on the outside and soft on the inside, while women are soft on the outside and strong on the inside. Once you think about what men historically have been called to bear (frontlines in war efforts, serving as the protector of the family, etc) contrasted to what women historically have been called to bear (childbirth and child rearing, caretaking roles, etc), I find that this makes perfect sense.  Soft on the outside does not mean that women are out of shape or weak (think Proverbs 31), but simply that strength does not come from big muscles or a temper. (Not that all men have these… you get my drift). Strength is found in femininity, and it is beautiful!

What has the Sexual Revolution Done to Us?

Billy Ray’s Crowning Moment

Do yourself a favor, don’t click the link. Just don’t, it’s embarrassing. Let me fill you in. About a two or three weeks ago Billy Ray Cyrus and someone else whose name escapes me at the moment created a hip hop rendition of the song “Achy Breaky Heart”. It involves aliens and women dressed in duct tape.  It looks like a bad Katy Perry spoof (and Katy Perry’s videos are awful, so you know this is BAD.)

Within three days, the video had over 4 million hits on YouTube.

Guys, we need to stop criticizing Miley Cyrus and start praying for her. Poor thing, how could she have turned out otherwise, with this kind of parenting?

I’m confused. Why is it so hip and cool to be immature these days? To live in a state of perpetual adolescence?  Or, in Billy’s case, to be over 50 and make HD videos of yourself playing bad music with girls dressed like aliens gyrating all over you?

I can’t believe some free thinking person over the age of at least 25 thought this was a good idea, probably spent thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars to produce this, and even after seeing it and probably vomiting into their mouth ever so slightly, they still released it into the world. An adult came up with this. AN ADULT.  Do you know what this means? Do you know what we are seeing here? We are seeing the products of the Sexual Revolution.

No, we are seeing the victims of the Sexual Revolution.

People cry and lament the loss of the 1 Billion babies that have been murdered by abortion in the world, but we must also include in our sorrow those living people who were swept up by this Satanic Assault Revolution.

The saddest part is that many of us have not yet come to our senses. Some of us still think that the SR was a good thing. That it liberated women, tore the chains off of those pesky sexual restraints we used to practice, and brought about a more loving, emancipated world for future generations to enjoy.

Some say this DESPITE all of the science indicating otherwise, all of the divorces, all of the data confirming that the Sexual Revolution was probably one of the worst things that could happen to monogamy, to women’s happiness, to children … we are still turning a blind eye and producing trash, from generation to generation.

Sexual permissiveness does not equal female happiness or equality, “as anyone who’s hung out in a frat house for any length of time can attest”. The dismally lowered standards of today have actually reduced our chances of determining the type of person we are interacting with.  In the UK, Political figures are telling parents that they should “leave morality out” when talking to their kids about sex. The result of this is that the number of teenage girls conceiving has doubled. Genius.

What have we gained? What have we really gained by all of this?  Now, don’t get me wrong. I am a feminist. I believe men and women should have the same opportunities, I believe we can do all of the same things- with the exception of a few jobs that require physical strength beyond what women could probably do- but aside from that, we are both of equal value and merit. I really do appreciate the fact that women and men are becoming ever more equal in the eyes of society.

However, can we really give the Sexual Revolution credit for this? Does it give women better relationships? Increased happiness? More respect?

No.

What has actually happened is this: the pornography  industry has skyrocketed, pedophilia is at an all time high, Sex trafficking is a booming industry with no signs of slowing down, divorce rates are pathetic, and fornication is not only an accepted practice, it is an expected practice. And Billy Rae Cyrus is simply producing what we have told the world we want to see.

I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence just like me. And without exception, without question, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography.” – Ted Bundy

Well-meaning, decent people will condemn the behavior of a Ted Bundy, while they’re walking past a magazine rack full of the very kinds of things that send young kids down the road to be Ted Bundy’s.” –Ted Bundy

We all play a role in this. What can you do to offset the effects of the SR? Comment with your thoughts below.

10 Differences Between Dating a Woman vs. Dating a Girl:

This blog is a response to the fantastic blog by Jarrid Wilson on 10 Differences Between Dating a Boy vs. Dating a Man. I highly recommend it!

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  1. A woman has her own goals and aspirations for the future. A girl is waiting for someone to come along and take care of her.
  2. A woman keeps the joys and sorrows of your relationship between herself and a few friends. A girl will ruin your reputation via social media before an argument has really even begun.
  3. A woman will encourage you to spend time with your family and friends. A girl will be self-centered and want all of your attention.
  4. A woman will encourage you in your goals while offering a realistic perspective. A girl will push her own agenda.
  5. A woman dresses modestly and respects herself. A girl will use her body to get attention from you and other men.
  6.  A woman will kindly wait for and then thank you warmly for holding the door open for her, paying for dates, and being a gentleman. A girl will be unappreciative and bitter.
  7. A woman holds tight to her faith, and puts her Lord first. A girl will be easily swayed.
  8. A woman uses her femininity to nurture and encourage. A girl is manipulative.
  9. A woman enhances her beauty and respects her body with clean eating and exercise. A girl is either obsessed with her physique or makes excuses for making unhealthy choices.
  10. A woman brings you closer to the Lord. A girl takes you away from him.

Stop Enabling Your Kids

I was talking to a student the other day who mentioned that her mother wrote her brother’s college scholarship essay. When she confronted her family about this, she was punished.  I know another friend whose mother requested his college recommendation letters for him.  Other parents, upon recognizing that their children are engaging in drug use, still provide them with spending money.  Colleges complain about parents calling to ask about their children’s grades, evidently their kids won’t tell them. Here a free tip: If you don’t know what grades your student is getting in college… in fact, if you even have to question whether or not your child is passing, DO NOT PAY FOR THE CLASSES.  Why the heck would you pay the ridiculous costs of classes and books and living if your child is going to even think about giving a mediocre performance, and then DARE to keep you, the source of at least part (maybe all) of their income, out of the loop? It’s obnoxious.

Guys, this is a topic that gets me FIRED UP! I am so passionate about this because my generation is going to rule the world one day, and frankly, most of us are not prepared. The reason? We have not been prepared.  The following is a result of my observations of my parents throughout the years, who have raised two children, are in the process of raising two more, and the lot of us have never done anything illegal or stupid (well, we’ve never made a habit out of anything stupid). In fact, I remember one time I was asked to talk about a problem in my family- perhaps relating to drug use, alcoholism, divorce, etc. I did not have an answer. Not a single person in my close family (includes grandparents, their children, and my cousins- about 12 families total) has ever gotten a divorce. I’m not bragging, I obviously had nothing to do with this track record. I’m just saying, I’d be stupid not to take a closer look at how kids are raised ‘round here.

So lets get to it: Why do your children make bad decisions? Because they are human.

Here’s the real question, why do your children continue to make the same bad decisions?

Because they are enabled.

Parenting is hard, I get it. I am definitely no expert. Children come with no manual on their proper care and keeping. But at the very least, at the very least can we use our common sense? Whoever thought that raising kids on TV and McDonald’s and letting boyfriends sleep over and letting them wear pants below their butts and two piece bathing suits when they were 3 and thongs when they were 10 was a good idea? In what Universe does this make sense?

People, at the most basic level, make decisions based on effort exerted vs. outcome achieved. If a decision requires little effort and has a positive outcome, then people are likely to make it again, especially in lieu of exerting a lot of effort and getting the same outcome. Usually decisions that have a negative outcome, regardless of the effort, will not be repeated, unless the action has an addictive quality or an unforeseen benefit.

So here is what we are going to do.  We are going to implement a few strategies (strategies that I’ve picked up from my parents) to make bad decisions not worth it. If they’re not worth it, your kids will eventually stop making them.

  1. Stop Trying to Be Their Friend | Instead, be their Parent: Similarly, I am not my student’s friend, I am their teacher. Yes, we have fun. Yes, we laugh daily. Yes, they like me. But I do not stoop to their level. Do not try to be cool. You will never be cool. You are twice their age for Pete’s sake. I am only 22 and there is a generational gap between myself and the 16 year olds I teach. You have no chance.
  2. Stop Sparing Their Feelings | Instead, Tell them the Truth With Integrity: Part of living in this world is having a thick skin. Its learning how to give and receive criticism with integrity, tact, and kindness. When your child does something wrong, tell them. Explain why it is wrong (with integrity, tact, and kindness, model this for them). Then, tell them what and how they can do better.
  3. Establish Consequences to Match the Crime: This is where the rubber meets the road. Do not go too far and ground them for a week for rolling their eyes. The punishment should be in some way related to the crime. For example, if the child gets their phone taken away in school, take the phone away at home. If the child does not clean their room, or a does a poor job doing so, Saturday they cannot do anything until it is done. Might this mean waking up at 630 to do so before their baseball game? Perhaps. Clean your room right next time.
  4. Follow Through with the Consequences You have Established: This is how you earn respect, by keeping your word. Trust me, they will respect you. They may throw a fit, they may say they hate you, they may slam doors, and they may cry, regardless, stand strong. If you let them get away with things, you will have one heck of a time unlearning that behavior.
  5. 5.    Let Them Take Responsibility for Themselves, even if it Means they Fail to Accomplish a Goal: Good Lord, do NOT write ANY essay for them EVER. Much less a College essay! Here’s another free tip: I would wager that a grand majority of the students in college applied for it themselves. If your kid can’t manage to get an application TO ANY COLLEGE in on time, they probably shouldn’t go. They should probably work, learn responsibility, and build character. If the work could be some sort of manual labor performed outside, even better. Its good for the soul.

Parents, what are some other good strategies? I would love to hear your thoughts below!

Princeton Mom is Still Wrong.

This is an email I received in response to my blog on “Princeton Mom” the other day.  I wanted to share it and my response to her because many people do not understand the difference between finding a husband, and being open to the Lord’s will for your life. I hope I clarify my position. For what its worth, I agree with much of what “Mom of Seven” says below, and admire her for doing what is best for her family despite the economic impact.

(Disclaimer: Email below has been edited for privacy)

“… She does not at all say that the purpose of college for a woman is to find a husband.  She merely points out that during your college years, you are surrounded by eligible young men and she doesn’t say, but should, that you also have more free time than you ever will after graduation.  It behooves a young women (sic) to not squander that opportunity.  After graduation, typically, a new grad finds employment with multiple age groups.  She might not even work with many adults, or with eligible bachelors.  So her time in which to find a man to marry is now restricted to those hours that she isn’t working.  If finding a husband is truly important, it needs to be at the top of your priority list.  I am not saying that you need to be married by 22 or 23 or risk spinsterhood.  I am saying that the success of achieving one’s life goals is maximized when one takes advantage of the available resources. 

When I was in college, the great lie was that a woman could have it all – career AND motherhood.  I did date my future husband all through college, and we married when I was 24.  I earned an engineering degree and had a very nice career.  I earned even more money than my husband.  I didn’t want to wait until I was 30 to have children, but we were in debt, having gone to expensive private schools.  I had my first child, and returned to work.  I hated it.  We worked so hard for the next 2 years to pay off the school loans so I could stay home when my 2nd child was born.  We weren’t quite there, but I did stop working, and we lost half our income.  Money was tight for many years, but it was worth it to be home.  I learned that we can’t have it all.

It is easy to think when you are young that finding a good husband won’t take much effort.  It is easy to think when you are young that men will always find you attractive.  The older you get, the greater the chances that the men who are available have already had sex, and may have already been married, and may even have children.  You may even find men who fail to mention the reality of still being married while beginning a relationship with you.  This is just life in the big bad world. 

I have 3 daughters.  I also have 4 sons.  They are all under the age of 18.  I stress that right now is the time to focus on your education and sports and other recreational pursuits.  We do not permit dating before adulthood.  But I will tell them all, when they head off to college, that although an education is the primary reason to go to college, they need to keep their eyes open for a special someone.  Would I want my 20 yo getting married?  Probably not.  But I will not lie to my girls and encourage them to pursue a career first and a husband second.  I don’t use that engineering degree much, and probably never will again.  But I use my brain daily in the management of my home, I have several small business endeavors, and I have plenty of ideas about what to do when I really grow up and have no children to tend.  Careers can be pursued at any age.  But a woman can only bear children during a particular window of her lifetime.

-Mom of Seven

My Response:

I completely agree with your position, except for the phrase “find a husband”. I made this clear in the following quote from my blog, “What I am NOT all for, however, is the phrase “finding a husband”.’ This is what I took contest with when I read about “Princeton Mom”.

I am so blessed to be a Christian, to experience the peace of a life that is found with Jesus Christ. I thank my parents for raising me with these values.  As a Christian woman, I know that I do not need to find a husband. If I want to get married, I can certainly place myself in the position of meeting men, be open to men my friends recommend for me, and I can live a healthy lifestyle to ensure that I am at the peak of my attractiveness, but most importantly I need to cultivate a relationship with the Lord and trust in him to send a man my way, and I need to be open to receive him.

I did not, “find” my boyfriend Michael, a good friend introduced him to me. I have set friends up over the years. This is usually how these things go. I am certain you did not “find” your husband, I am sure the good Lord placed him in your path at the opportune time, you both felt attraction, and things blossomed from there, and the only thing you had to do was be open to the Lord’s will!

I am certainly not of the camp that believes you need to have a career and travel and buy a house before you get married…  However, the mindset of having to “find” a husband is similar to the mindset of having to “build” a career and a life before you get married. Both involve having a timeline for our lives that is man made, not God made. Yes, I agree that college is a unique time where we are surrounded by people of our age, but it is also apt to remember that a significant portion of the population has only recently started attending college immediately after high school. Somehow, all those generations before us managed to get married, and far more successfully, as the current, dismal divorce rates would suggest.

I am glad you do not let your children date before adulthood. I also like the phrase you used in closing, “Keep their eyes open for that special someone”. I feel this is much closer to the Christian worldview. Keep your eyes open, but also, “… do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6: 31-33)

I hope this helps clarify my opinion, thank you for writing!

Readers, please feel free to comment with your thoughts below!

I am Traditional, I am Conservative, and I still Disagree with Princeton Mom

            In case you haven’t heard, here is what is trending on today.com: “A member of the class of 1977, Patton advised women currently at Princeton to seek a mate on campus, warning that they would never again be around so many “worthy” men.”

This “Princeton Mom” (formally known as Susan Patton), goes on to describe a college campus as a haven for dating, where like- minded, single men of your age group are all gathered at one place and available for the picking!

My question for this mother, who proves that you don’t need common sense to go to an Ivy League school, is this, “What is the purpose of going to college”?

Call me crazy, but I thought it was to further your education.

Listen, I am all for marriage, I am even all for young marriage.  Heck, if a woman wants to stay at home with her kids instead of working and maybe never even go to college, I completely respect that! I am feminist enough to respect the decisions a woman makes for the well being of her and her family.

What I am NOT all for, however, is the phrase “finding a husband”.

What is this? A scavenger hunt? Are we supposed to be on the lookout for clues? It’s a purty darn expensive scavenger hunt if you ask me!  By the time this is all said and done, I will end up paying many thousands of dollars for my college education.  Money that I will be paying back for at least a decade to come. BUT WAIT, its totally fine! I’ll have a boyfriend when I graduate! THANK GOD that money didn’t go to waste!

Give me a break.

Ladies, ladies… if you choose to go to college, you are choosing to do so because it is an intelligent financial decision for you, your future, and your career choice. If you are trying to “find” a husband, I suggest eharmony.com.

Also, if you are raped, no matter what the situation, report it. It’s not your fault. (I don’t care to expand upon Susan’s remarks on this situation…) read the rest of the article here: http://www.today.com/books/princeton-mom-who-advised-students-find-husband-campus-scores-book-6C10584675